“An extra pair of balls!” - Luis, Editor-in-Chief

“You can give them anything simple. What counts is the action, you know. Give them a good cd or a good book.” - Mr. B, Wise Man


“What do you give to someone who has everything? One of those toothbrushes that vibrates to play a Vanessa Hudgens song through your clenched teeth as you brush. Unless they already have one of those. If they have a Vanessa toothbrush, then you get them a genie lamp. Tell them they have to give you one of the wishes if there’s a genie inside. Like splitting the winnings on a scratch-off gift. I would wish for a submarine, and take to the stars.” - Maxwell, Editor

“I’d give them a thumbs up!” - Jim, Creative Director

“I’d give them the finger!” - Nick, Digital Design Director

She dismisses the question and says, "No, I have to go eat something." Upon returning from the kitchen, she expands, "I don’t know why people always ask themselves what they are going to get the person who has everything. The person who has everything, got 'everything' because they like stuff, in general, so they'll probably never run out of new stuff that they don't have or want. So, really, you could get the person who has everything absolutely anything. Like Frederic Malle's Geranium Pour Monsieur bodywash, or this thing, a vio light toothbrush sanitizer. Or even a basket of nice artisanal cheeses, fine cured meats, collectible rare Scotch, a gift certificate to Noma, a bouquet of fragrant tuberose, I'm sure all would be welcome. Or romance is always a good gift too. So few have that.” - Mui-Hai, Head Eater

“An orgasm, because who doesn’t love some ‘you’ time!” - Emma, Managing Editor

“Get Morgan Freeman to narrate their life. THEN, they would have everything...” - Caroline, Fish #1

“I’d get him a helicopter ride and drop him off, naked, at the top of the Himalayas. 'Surprise! Bet you never got stuck with nothing as a gift, you little bastard!' Just kidding, what I would actually do is give him my hand and have beautiful babies, who will of course become Luis’ Flaunt babies, and my husband, the Flaunt Daddy, or, shall I say, Plastic Daddy. Oh and that would make me the Flaunt Mommy... In that case, LUIS! Get me some water! With a lot of ice please! And quick, DUDE! - Ilaria, Fish #2

“Wait, let me Google it!” - Terra, Fish #3

"I don’t know, maybe a lecture on how the cultivation of his or her material possessions have only contributed to class inequality the world over. Shame on you for asking what I would get someone who has everything; rather, we should ask what that person can do for the rest of us." -Andrew, Fish #4

Compiled by the Fish Bowl. Happy Holidays!