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Dr. V Shows Us How to Be Kind to Ourselves
![Alt Text](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56c346b607eaa09d9189a870/02b31c82-22de-4202-b040-cd87a6b2560d/WhatsApp+Image+2022-04-30+at+1.20.12+AM.jpeg) Even with one crisis after another, the threat of a future marred by environmental challenges, and the rapid change of the world due to unprecedented technological advancement, people who were growing up in the past thirty years found enough time to be extra hard on themselves. According to the American Psychological Association, the perfectionism scores of people who went to college between the years 1989 and 2016 increased by 10% when it came to an irrational desire to be perfect. The score for perceived excessive expectations from others rose by a whopping 33%. “There’s a difference between holding oneself accountable and putting undue pressure on oneself, and perfectionism has a sneaky way of turning into the latter,” says Dr. Venus Nicolino ( MA, MA, PhD). Known as Dr. V, Nicolino became famous for her unique approach to self-help that includes a strong social media presence and the mental health app SoundMind, to which she sits on the Board of Directors. What should people do to combat the nasty side of perfectionism? “Learn to be kind to yourself,” says Dr. V. Don’t Be Afraid of Failure “Anyone who’s choosing not to set goals or commit seriously to anything because they’re afraid they’ll fail is making a big mistake,” says Dr. V. “If that’s you, know that you’re robbing yourself of two of the most important mechanisms for learning and advancement in life: trying things out, and getting valuable feedback.” In some circles, Dr. V continues, failure is seen as a regular part of the process. Among entrepreneurs, for example, it’s better to fail sooner rather than later. There’s always something to learn from failure, and the sooner it happens the fewer resources will be spent on an endeavor with a fatal flaw. Embrace the Imperfection of Humanity There’s also something disarmingly human about not quite making it. “Our humanity is the reason why we fail,” explains Dr. Venus Nicolino. “It’s one of the things that have propelled us to the types of living creatures that we are.” The point of contemplating failure, which is something that often follows starting new projects, is also the point when we can reflect on how much we’ve learned. “Even in a time that’s as difficult as these are—and a pandemic is not something to take lightly—there’ll always be something positive,” Dr. V explains. “It’s kind of like us; we’re a patchwork of good and bad, successes and failures, smarts and idiocy. We need to take the bad with the good.” Embracing our lived experience in its totality is a great way to accept our flawed nature and find ways to enjoy it—or, at the very least, tolerate it. Be Ready to Start Over Do-overs and second chances are great, but they’re often not a given. Sometimes, there won’t be the opportunity to take another crack at a test. Businesses will fail with no chances of recovery. Relationships will go sour, too, beyond the point of repair. “Some things are final, and that’s just the nature of this world we live in,” says Dr. V. “In many cases, however, we get to start over and apply the things we’ve learned. We can start new businesses, fall in love again, pick a different class at college, reinvent ourselves completely if we want to.” For anyone worried about the costs of starting over in time, money, or other resources, Dr. V has a simple tip: “Think of it as an investment into a more relaxed version of yourself.” Looking for support and tools is also becoming easier. SoundMind, an app that allows users to create soundscapes that help them deal with issues such as anxiety, is a great example of a portable tool people can use to enhance their well-being and just be kind to themselves. “I’m happy to be a part of a project that improves people’s access to mental health tools,” concludes Dr. V. “Being kind to oneself means taking care of oneself, and this app helps people with that.”