What darkness lurks beyond the unknown? What threatens the comfort and familiarity with which we bind ourselves? A sense of wonder is a necessity if you’re not to let life pass you by—but with the worry of self-preservation pressing in from all around us, we sometimes hold back. For 24-year-old actor, Maude Apatow, stepping into a character’s shoes is always an exploration replete with uncertainty, but well worth the fruits of wisdom.

It’s early afternoon when I connect with Apatow. She is swiftly on her way to a photoshoot. We begin with a discussion about her origins in acting, independent of—but no doubt also influenced by—her parents, filmmaker Judd Apatow and actor Leslie Mann. Theatre consumed Apatow’s childhood, which she eagerly participated in from kindergarten all the way through high school. “I went to an arts high school,” Apatow reflects, “and we were really lucky to have a great drama department and teachers. My teachers were very supportive and encouraging of all of us, and I think that was one of the reasons I wanted to go into it.”

Apatow’s previous work includes a charming stint as Pete Davidson’s sister in dramedy, The King of Staten Island, the role of Henrietta in Ryan Murphy’s drama miniseries, Hollywood, which centers around a group of aspiring entertainers in the post-World War II era, and her career-defining appearance in the 2016 comedy-drama, Other People, of which she shares, “was the first thing I did on my own, independent of my family. I felt so adult. I thought to myself: if this was what my life could be, then I could keep doing things like this, and I was going to work as hard as I can to keep doing things like this.”

Apatow has recently earned widespread attention for her character Lexi Howard in HBO’s dark drama hit, Euphoria, created by Sam Levinson. Season two of Euphoria marks an impeccable return to the hyperactive high school series that melds tense character development with stress-induced scenes and drugs and sex. Toxic masculinity, feminine yearning, substance abuse, mental health, and every colloquial identity struggle you could shake a 2020s stick at are among the many perils that plague the eclectic teens of East Highland High School. The first season of Euphoria courted controversy for its sensational, boundary-pushing depictions of the above, and unsurprisingly, season two is mightily carrying the torch.

In Euphoria, Apatow plays a straight-laced outsider who is prominently featured in the sophomore season. Lexi offers relief and relatability amongst a cast full of quirks and high energy. As well, her nonexistent backstory in season one leaves ample room for exploring her independence and a newfound direction. “It’s got a different mood, and it’s a lot darker and funnier,” Apatow remarks on the new installment. “The entire season was shot on film, and season one wasn’t. Season one had a lot of music that had come out recently, and there’s a lot of older music in season two. Obviously, the show is a super-heightened reality, but I think Sam always does a great job at using that to spark conversation and get people talking. He gets people worked up, wanting to chat. I always get excited when I see something that ignites something in me, whether it’s anger or sadness.”

The introduction of Lexi in season one was subtle. Her best friend Rue, played by Zendaya, asks her to help pass a drug test by peeing in a cup, to which she loyally relents. Of a more concentrated focus, though, is the relationship with her polar opposite sister, Cassie (Sydney Sweeney). Lexi watches as her sibling is consistently fawned over, while Cassie becomes increasingly overwhelmed by the incessant need to feel loved and desired. This is perhaps encapsulated by an iconic season one quote where Lexi begins to traipse into the territory of self-realization and individuation: “Yeah, well, you look beautiful, Cassie. You look fucking amazing. It’s literally all anyone’s ever told you your entire life. Like, listen to yourself. It’s fucking exhausting.”

Cassie and Lexi’s relationship is indubitably marked by constant tumult, and the new season deepens this with a wider-reaching exposition on the two’s family life. “I think Sam did a really good job going in-depth into Cassie and Lexi’s relationship,” Apatow considers, “because I think it’s a lot more complicated than it seemed in season one.” She remarks on the dramatic action, which pegs to Lexi’s obsessive oversight of a theatre production. “I think with the play, she’s so worried she’s going to offend Cassie, and she doesn’t want to, but I think she sort of does at the same time. I think she’s got so much built-up resentment and anger towards her and her mom and things. She doesn’t know how to deal with it properly. And so maybe she channels all of that into the play, and at times maybe she does take it too far.”

A blossoming romance between Lexi and Fez (Angus Cloud) ignites season two, the likes of which originate during a conversation at a New Year’s Eve house party. We’re left wanting more of the dynamic duo’s warmly brewing and unforeseen chemistry, but instead of kisses and cuddles, Lexi gets an even more shocking end to her year: Fez violently clashing with Nate Jacobs (Jacob Elordi) while she watches in sheer horror. One would think that Lexi ought to be repulsed by the actions of Fez, the dangerous drug dealer, but her affinity intensifies, creating a tension and a dichotomy of character backgrounds that the show has been praised for.

Apatow speaks to a morphing of her off-camera personality with her on-screen one. “I kind of feel like Lexi is what I was like maybe seven years ago,” she considers. “She’s very similar to me and I think we have similar interests, but she’s a lot more shy and unsure of herself and nervous. And I definitely have all those qualities, but not as extreme, and I think she hasn’t quite figured out how to manage them.” 

Lexi’s artistic endeavors catch up to her quickly as she directs her student companions in a spectacle born from her overzealous need for control in the theatrics of her life. “I think with Lexi, so many things around her are kind of falling apart in the season,” Apatow emphasizes, “like Cassie falling apart, and her relationship with Rue, while she’s taking care of her family and everything’s out of control. The one thing she can control is this play, and I think it drives her a little crazy. And that’s why she gets intense and passionate about it. There’s tons of growth from season one. You see her kind of come out of her shell a little bit and set boundaries with people around her, and she starts doing things that she wants to do and doesn’t get stepped on by everyone else.”

The ensemble Lexi directs in the series hits humorously close to home for Apatow. “Before Sam wrote season two, I kind of forced him to get on the phone with me and I pitched him a bunch of ideas,” Apatow shares. “All the play stuff is kind of based on me in high school. I produced this show that our senior class put on, and I was a total nightmare tyrant and made enemies of my entire department.”

Regarding the future of her own creative pursuits, Apatow has already dipped her toes into the directing pool with her debut short film, Don’t Mind Alice, which premiered at the 2018 Santa Barbara Film Festival. The actor wrote, produced, and starred in the film, but stresses that she’d want to “just try directing other people next time.”

On the difficulties of acting, Apatow weighs in that the profession can drive one crazy at times, where you’re left at the mercy of seemingly everyone but yourself. “You’re sort of at the will of everyone, just to get jobs,” she shares, “and once you’re working, you act and kind of hope that it’s good and just walk away. Ideally, if there’s any way to be more involved—whether it be producing or directing or writing—I’d love to be able to do that. I also think that a lot of directors that I’ve worked with, like Sam, were trained as actors, which can be really helpful in explaining to people what you’re looking for and expressing yourself to an actor in a clear way.” 

Apatow’s passion for writing, obsession with her family cats, and reliance on her TikTok feed (inundated with Broadway singers and crime investigations) infused her quarantine days amidst the 2020 halt in Euphoria production. “By the time we got back shooting, everyone was in a really good headspace,” she shares. “We got to sit on the scripts, even though a lot of them changed. We had a lot of time to work on it and think about it.”

When asked what she thinks makes Euphoria stand out amongst the over-saturation of teen melodramas, she replies, “Sam does a lot of research into how people in high school talk to each other and what they’re into. He really wants to do right by everyone.” Her admiration for the director is apparent and she is insistent that the myriad characters and mounting dramas provide a relatable outlet in the universal struggles represented. “I think what’s cool about this show,” she continues, “is I wouldn’t totally relate to Cassie in high school, but I can see parts of her and her insecurities and different elements in all the characters that I can relate to.”

Behind the moody, glitter-infused makeup and trendy street style, Euphoria strives to capture the lingering gloom and despondency of young adulthood. “After season one came out,” Apatow shares, “the cast and I talked about how teenagers messaged us saying they watched the show and felt understood, or felt less alone, and I think that’s the goal. They see themselves in the show, and it makes them feel better. Hopefully, they don’t use the show as a roadmap for their own lives and use the characters to learn from their mistakes.” 

Levinson draws taut parallels between the Gen Z experience and the characters in Euphoria, a stylish depicting the role social media plays in viral catastrophe, and how the characters get entangled in the web. “I think what I liked so much about the show,” Apatow admits, “and I think what a lot of younger people like, is our generation definitely has some unique struggles with social media, and the general state of our country, and there’s a darkness there. It’s just a pretty intense time to grow up. I think Sam really captured that and the anxieties that a lot of us are developing from growing up in a time like this, on top of everything else, personally.”

Despite being several years older than her Euphoria character and cohorts, Apatow still feels pressure from unrealistic social media beauty standards. Apatow is intuitively aware of the pitfalls of platforms like Twitter, calling it “evil sometimes.” Her bio correspondingly reads: Maude Apatow is addicted to technology, even though she knows it’s destroying her. “I think I definitely was on social media way too much through the pandemic,” she offers, “and I tried a couple times to delete it off my phone and not go on it because I felt it totally affected me in a negative way. I think it’s important to set boundaries for how long you spend on social media. There’s so many positive things about it, but also so many negative things. I kind of realized, ‘Oh, I’m sort of comparing myself to other people on the internet. I need to be aware of that.’ And if I’m doing that, call myself out and take a step back. I think it’s about finding the things that trigger you and trying to figure out how to not let them.”

Apatow seems to live her life not by a ticking timebomb or a desire to catapult to fame, but by a personalized compass of sorts. What feat she will transcend next is uncertain, but her role in Euphoria is sure to be a notable timestamp on the evolution of her acting career. Perhaps what we have learned in the show’s viewing and today’s conversation is that Lexi’s character is an emblem of something that lives or has lived inside us all—an introvert at heart, just waiting to step into that brave new world and breakout of one's cumbersome shell.

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Photographed by Carlos Serrao and Monica.May_​​​​​​​​

Styled by MontyJackson​​​​​​​​

Written by Joshen Mantai​​​​​​​​

Hair:John D ​​​​​​​​

Makeup: Melanie Inglessis

Producer: Amy Ground ​​​​​​​​

Movement Coach: Monika Felice Smith​​​​​​​​

Prop Designer: Brandon Clayton 

Digital Tech: Damon Loble​​​​​​​​

1st AC: Kevin Anderson 

Photo Assistants: @Simon Mcdermott-Johnson, Jordan Jennings, and Ben Wilson 

Stylist Assistant: Jake Mitchell ​​​​​​​​

Floral Assistant: Katherine Train ​​​​​​​​

COVID-19 Officer: Jesus Ramos ​​​​​​​​

Production Assistant: Susannah Morgan​​​​​​​Location:  Hubble Studio