F L A U N T
Shreds of dripping flesh and disrupted fine line back pieces drip down, as the bodies they were once attached to attempt to crawl their way towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Blistered feet and scorched legs flail as the Heaven Marc Jacobs Kiki Boots clash into thrashing Vivienne Westwood statement necklaces. A bell sound resounds as the metals clash together, resulting in the greatest example of beauty the lot has seen for what could possibly be an eternity. An eternity remains as hell fires expand and the damned innovate ways to climb towards the nearest and only exit. All that remains to this objective is fantasy as the air is slowly, but surely, sucked out of the room by its inhabitants. The hell of the clout demon demands boundless desire, as not one soul stops reaching higher to make it to the top, an ever-moving goalpost.
Here, in a red-roped section of the underworld, we find a customized punishment created by a Mad God in retaliation to mankind’s most recent expression of arrogance.“On Instagram, the hashtag #nofalseidols has a paltry 753 posts, deeply underwhelming given all the talk of idolatry these days. #noidols has, at the time of writing, 10,555 posts, #falsegods about the same. Combined though, these are still less than the hashtag #iamagod with 32,269 (if you’re wondering, #iamagoddess has 20,292)”. With that, the rat race was created, a divine middle finger to those who insist on referring to themselves as Creators. We all know what happens to those who worship false idols, but what happens to subjects of idolatry? They end up with 5,000 followers and horns.
You can easily spot a clout demon if you know what to look for. A pack of cigs as an offering to lure their subjects to a private place to network. A smartphone prepped at any moment to make an out-of-context story post or launch an f4f. And, of course, they would never leave the house without their scanning gaze and thinly veiled air of neuroticism. It starts small with minor infractions like posting someone you barely know on main disguised as an influential close friend. Next it’s hanging out one too many times with that controversial figure with bottomless plus ones. Before you know it you’re assaulting the door girl to get into a warehouse rave hosted between a sketchy storage building and a sausage factory. It’s a slippery slope, and to what end?
The essence of clout is as bloated as the phonetics required to utter the word implies. It’s as elusive as it is tactless, a term that has found a way to be both impressive and embarrassing at the same time. As close in nature to ambition as it is laziness, clout is an expression of what you’re willing to give up, not what you already have. A twisted show of determination that impresses both through cunning and desperation. That being said, beware of social squatters pitching a tent in your circles. You can never be sure what the stray numbers in your group chats are capable of.
Clout is parasitic by nature and needs a host to survive, hence, the term clout chaser. The host gets to feed their delusions of grandeur and the parasite’s hole is filled with the ability to brag to their hometown friends that they were at the bar Charli XCX showed up to for 5 minutes. It’s mutually beneficial if set up correctly. This four-headed monster can usually only sustain for a period of time before things get messy which is why they must always have an eye out for the next micro-celebrity to leech off of. It’s worth mentioning that having a cool partner or codependent bestie provides you access, but not permanence.
If properly utilized, it can really get you places. But clout is a catalyst, not a cure. An It-girl does not have clout, she has It-factor. A celebrity is not clouted, but famous. Just as the canceled are infamous. If fame is more admirable than infamy, and infamy is longer lasting than fame, one is left to wonder where clout stands. Somewhere amongst the debate between the merits of fame and infamy, clout resides. Not a relative or friend, but a mutual twice removed. One could argue the lengths people will go to achieve clout proves its worth, but we chase meaningless things every day. While you’re chasing your tail, there’s a 25-year-old in Charleston, NC playing cornhole with his girlfriend that makes six figures editing onboarding videos for some Boomer’s law firm.
The concept is reminiscent of a certain movie in which the kid from Home Alone mainlines some poor club kid with Drano. Not to be confused with the one where the girl from Beetlejuice feeds a mug of drain cleaner to her friend for being more popular than her. Something about unclogging sewage reads poetic to those exploring the topic of idolization. Apparently, the clout compulsion is not only punishable by death but in need of chemical evacuation from the body. Cautionary tales, like Party Monster and Heathers, attempt to encourage budding narcissists worldwide to stay Above the Influence(rs), but numbers continue to rise.
You didn’t beat the odds of teen pregnancy and suicide just for you to circle the drain at 27 years old trying to become the coolest girl on Sunset (unpaid). The truth is clout chasing takes time and energy and rarely provides any monetary results. Without something to back it up, your success is an illusion. All that work just to find yourself running bar at LA’s latest party series, with nothing to show for it but a herd of people you barely know asking you for a drink ticket. But hey, at least you’re a “bicoastal baddie”. Clout chasing is an expression of the human condition, and it goes without saying that we all do it. Yearning for acclaim is normal, but disrupting your life and that of the people around you is not. Embark on your journey of acceptance, but be careful not to create your own hell in the process. And, if you choose this particular route of the sinner, for God’s sake, at least be subtle.
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